Gift

I probably shouldn't say anything, but… I've been working on a gift for you, my love.

Nothing big. Just another song. But, unlike a couple of others that I chose specifically because I knew you would know them… this one, I'm guessing you probably don't (though… you might… I really couldn't say…).

I guess the reason I bring it up beforehand, instead of just springing it on you like I normally would (and, let's face it, that's still what I'll be doing in reality…) is because…

I've been putting this together, off and on, for a few years now. This song… it's one of the reasons I bought my first instrument 30 years ago (and then let it sit in a closet and collect dust for 25 of those…). But, I hadn't really thought of it too much for a really long time…

Until I fell into you.

And suddenly, it was perfect. An absolutely perfect encapsulation of how I felt at the time.

So when I picked up the instrument again and finally started learning how to play it, I had this song in mind. I taught myself a not-too-shabby reproduction of the main riff. But, it's got this solo… And there are no good tabs for it online, not that I could find. So one day, perhaps two years ago, I asked my instructor for help. And he thought it would be an excellent lesson. And the two of us spent a couple of lessons transcribing it. Not just the solo, the whole song, because it turns out there were a lot of issues with the available tabs. What we ended up with is probably very nearly what Brian played on that original recording, 40 years ago.

I didn't have the skill to play it yet, though. Not the solo, at any rate.

So I've been working on it here and there. Breaking it out when I need a break from whatever else I'm working on. Until finally, a few weeks ago I realized… I was playing it. All the way through. Solo and all.

Oh, I still stumble. A lot. But… Well, actually I played through that solo with barely any mistakes as you were walking by the other day. Usually, I hear your voice long before I see you and so I know you're coming. This time, I was focused enough on my playing that I didn't even know you were there until I looked up for a moment… I wonder if you heard it? I wonder if you recognized it? I wonder if… knowing you probably didn't… if you've been wondering what it was?

And I wonder… I'm also so self-conscious about playing in front of other people, but especially in front of you… how the hell did I manage to roll right through it so well once I knew you were there? Maybe the fear of embarrassing myself overrode whatever drives my fingers to go all wonky on me so often… Not that you would have minded… At a guess, you probably would have thought it was cute. Still. Maybe, like apparently so many other things, the main thing holding me back with my playing is me… My confidence. I really do need to work on that.

Anyhow.

I guess the reason I'm bringing it up, though, is because the song fit perfectly… Two or three years ago. But things have changed so much since then. Hell, things have changed so much since three days ago.

It doesn't fit so closely anymore. But it's still a song that's important to me. It's still a part of our history, even if you don't know it yet. It's still a song that I very much want to share with you.

It's too bad I can't tell you all of this, not yet. Even so, I think you'll understand. Music tells stories, and is so very powerful that we can fit those stories to our lives, even when the details don't all match up.

I think you'll get it.

And anyways… It's not wrong. It's just not quite right, either.

As for when… Well. I have to keep you in a bit of suspense, don't I?

Yours,
♒️